Category Archives: Family

It’s Still Hard | A grief poem

Today, January 14th, marks the due date of the second baby my husband and I lost to miscarriage, now four and half years ago. Words fail to describe the existence of pain that still resides in my heart as a result from enduring such losses.

In remembrance of what today should have been, I’m publishing an old excerpt from my journal. Continue reading

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Beyond Me: How Many More Will Suffer?

I am not the only person suffering from chronic Lyme disease. And chances are, I am not the only person you know who has it.

Have (or how have) you been touched by Lyme disease?

Perhaps you have a friend who has Lyme. Or a sibling, parent or child. Or multiple siblings or children. Perhaps you don’t know anyone personally, but have friends or relatives who do. Continue reading

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Roen’s Story

I’m sitting on the living room couch typing up the story of my second born, Roen Star. My husband sits to my left, whittling a piece of wood, as our fourteen month old naps in the bedroom.

Fourteen months. That number looks familiar. Oh yes, it’s written in the pages that sit on my lap, right in the middle of the memories. Memories of the coming and going of one small, but not insignificant life. Continue reading

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All the Difference {My Resurrection Sunday Miracle}

One year has made all the difference. Between death and life, between sorrow and joy. Between questions and answers, between unknowns and knowns. Between doubts and hopes, between anticipation and relief.

I lost my firstborn on March 20, 2011 through a late miscarriage. After a second miscarriage and what seemed like a million years, I now know what’s it’s like to see a break of light within the storm. Continue reading

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Dancing in Heaven

Not long after the loss of my first child, Alanna, I had a vision of her dancing in heaven. She was twirling and singing in a field of lavender. Happy. Beautiful. Free from the harms of this world.

There was a Bible verse that came to my mind along with this vision: “He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.” (Psalm 91:1) This verse proved to be a steadfast comfort for me during those initial days of grief.  Continue reading

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Alanna’s Story

In recent years, the month of March would arrive un-welcomed by me. I hated to see it come, and was relieved as it neared its end. All because of what today, March 20th, is for me. You see, today I celebrate the life, while remembering the loss, of my firstborn child, Alanna Bea. I found out I was carrying her on January 2, 2011. I lost her through a late miscarriage on March 20, 2011. She weighed as much as six pennies and was the length of my ring finger.  Continue reading

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There Goes February’s Pirate Ship

Five days into March and I’m still wondering what happened to February.

Like this coloring project, February seems incomplete. So many tasks on last month’s to-do lists overflowing onto this month’s. Where did the time go? Oh yeah. It went into surviving. Into covering the basics, into the every day, and the simple mundane. The grocery shopping and cooking and tidying up and cleaning (or not). The feedings and potty times and laundry. And more laundry. Continue reading

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Memory Bank 2015

Well, here it is! I finished our 2015 Memory Bank (year-in-review) video just in time to say it’s complete before February. It’s not perfect… I’m not a big fan of the soundtrack… but I want to move on to other projects, and so I am officially checking this off the list.

  Continue reading

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All I Want for Christmas

Every store or company is marketing what they believe to be “the best holiday gift this year.” It’s overwhelming, all the ads, all this stuff.

Okay, so let’s pretend I was going to go shopping at the mall today. (I neeevvvver actually do this, since malls and I go together about as poorly as snails and salt. If you don’t know what that means, please – don’t Google it – just take my word that it simply means I don’t belong in malls.)

As I was saying, let’s imagine that I was to step inside a mall today. And let’s image that a cheery store clerk asked what I wanted for Christmas. I can assure you that, despite their best effort, the right answer would be far from their lips.

What do I want? Something you can’t offer me.
What’s that, you say? I want my health back.
Oh, but I look healthy to you? Really, you have no idea.  Continue reading

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It’s the Most *Busy* Time of the Year

Life just doesn’t stop being busy, right? Since beginning this blog, I’ve had many great intentions with it. I have drafts upon drafts of notes containing ideas for future blog posts, but sitting down to execute a post into completion has been ridiculously hard as of late.

The reasons are abounding. Teething baby, worsening Lyme symptoms, holiday season, husband’s long work days. The biggest wall I hit was my laptop crashing a few months ago. We just recently got it back up and running, but boy was that a fright! (I am the worst when it comes to backups.)  Continue reading

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