Tag Archives: Pain

What It Feels Like to Have Lyme Disease

Dealing with Lyme Disease can be challenging enough based on the complex symptoms alone.

What makes it ten times more challenging, though, is the fact that (for most with Lyme Disease) our symptoms are invisible.

We try to describe what we’re going through, but the words get lost in translation as the hearer sees us as normal, healthy individuals.

How can we be understood? To our friends, the medical community, our own families?

If I were to describe to a healthy person what a day in my shoes feels like, this is along the lines of what I might say.

If you are healthy, and truly want to understand what Lyme Disease is like, I ask you to read the below when you have enough time to let the words register. Really try to enter this world for a moment.

  • Lyme disease – that is, chronic Lyme, also known as late-stage Lyme, or post-treatment Lyme disease – feels like you’re running a marathon – uphill – just to get through the day.
  • You feel like you’re at least fifty years older than you are. You’re slow to get around, you have arthritis from head to toe, and you suffer from memory loss. You use one of those jumbo size pill boxes and have at least two kitchen cupboards dedicated to medication and supplements.
  • You feel like you’re on a seaside ship while walking throughout your motionless house.
  • You have to work twice as hard to concentrate on anything, whether reading words from a book or listening to a friend tell you a story.
  • Your head pounds and aches as though it were stuck in a vise.
  • You feel like you’re drunk when you’re sober as can be – clumsy, dizzy, and struggling to put sentences together.
  • You feel like you gave birth last month, when in reality your baby is over a year old. Your body couldn’t be slower to heal itself.
  • You’re borderline bipolar.
  • Your mood swings match those of a menopausal woman. You are sensitive to temperature, hot one minute, shivering the next.
  • Your legs give out from under you without any notice, and leave you to dragging yourself around the floor like a crab, crawling like a baby, or having to be picked up by a loved one (or pushed around in a wheelchair).
  • When you walk, it feels like you’re walking on hard legos, or a beach with sharp stones. Sitting back with your feet up, it feels as though someone is massaging the back end of a hammer into your soles.
  • The same goes for your hands. It’s this constant, dull, nagging pain that gets sharper with impact or activity.
  • You feel a tightness in your chest, and you hunger for air. You feel like you’re stuck in the middle of the ocean without a raft.
  • There is no such thing as enough sleep or rest. You could lie in bed all day, every day, and still be too tired to move.
  • You haven’t had a peaceful night’s sleep in years, and you’ve forgotten what it’s like to wake up feeling refreshed.
  • Your hands and fingers get numb and tingly on a regular basis.
  • The same goes for dizziness. Vertigo follows you wherever you go, and gets worse in busy environments.
  • You feel like burrowing your face into a hole most days, not wanting to deal with anything or anyone. Not your pain, not your to-do’s, not your errands, and some days not even your own family.
  • Strong odors – or sometimes not even strong ones – make you sick. Your eyes burn, your throat closes up, you get a migraine. You cover your nose with a scarf and hang out by the toilet, waiting for the vomit to come.
  • Your soul needs daylight, but you’re sensitive to light. More than 10 minutes in the sun makes you feel like you’re having a heat stroke.
  • You can’t eat gluten, dairy or sugar. Unfortunately for you, these are foods you crave all. the. time.
  • You hate your body – not your physical appearance, but the fact that you can’t escape the afflictions you feel.
  • Some days, you want to die – not because you’re suicidal, but because the pain is that bad.
  • You feel like you’re crazy. Because as much as all of these things are very real to you, no one else can see them.

Please know that none of these examples are exaggerations.

This is a picture into life with chronic Lyme disease.

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Why I don’t easily Trust Doctors

A little story. Or intelligent rant, as my husband puts it.

I had my blood drawn the other day. (Lucky me.) Upon exiting, I was given the choice of using tape versus a bandage to cover the blood. Ironically, I wasn’t given the choice of needle used for the procedure.  Continue reading

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Illusions

Apparently, I don’t have enough challenges in my life. For some crazy reason, I decided I needed to do a book study [insert surprise emoji here]. The other night, I struggled to read through a sixteen-page chapter. I lost track of how many times I had to re-start. The black words appeared gray to me, Continue reading

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Big Pains and Little Hands

A lamp lies sideways on the floor, like a tree knocked down in a wind storm. There are pieces of laundry sprinkled across the rooms; pieces of mail too – cardboard here, envelope there, bubble wrap here. One boot at the entry way, its match by the bedroom door. Continue reading

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I am a dishwasher

Growing up, my siblings and I used to complain a lot about washing the dishes. It seemed like all of our friends and all of our cousins had electronic dishwashers installed in their kitchens. We were probably the only house in the entire city that didn’t make the switch. Woe was us. Continue reading

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Forgotten Realities

This morning, I had the great privilege of partaking in one of my favorite things on earth. A little luxury, a little therapy time. I showered.

*gasp*

Any mom reading this knows what I’m talking about. Showering with little ones takes clever strategy. Continue reading

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Alanna’s Story

In recent years, the month of March would arrive un-welcomed by me. I hated to see it come, and was relieved as it neared its end. All because of what today, March 20th, is for me. You see, today I celebrate the life, while remembering the loss, of my firstborn child, Alanna Bea. I found out I was carrying her on January 2, 2011. I lost her through a late miscarriage on March 20, 2011. She weighed as much as six pennies and was the length of my ring finger.  Continue reading

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What My Baby Knows

I think my baby is super smart. (All babies are, really.) He knows when he needs something and he knows what he needs. I don’t always understand what he tries to communicate to me, but boy, have we come a long way.  Continue reading

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Birth Center birth vs. Hospital birth

The following post is strictly my opinion, based on my personal experiences and knowledge on the subject.

About a month ago, I made an emergency visit to the ER with concern of a blood clot. I had pain and minor swelling in my right leg.  Continue reading

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Locks are like Lyme: A Simile

sim·i·le /ˈsiməlē/ “A figure of speech which involves a direct comparison between two unlike things, usually with the words like or as.”

I have many ideas in a given day. Most thoughts escape from my brain into the open air, never to be seen or discussed. However, this recent idea about comparing Locks Continue reading

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